Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
a search helicopter?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
