Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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