just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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