I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
