Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
