I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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