i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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