Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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