nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
