Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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