What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize