Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
