Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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