i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
