Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
