I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
