Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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