I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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