I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
