I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
