Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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