the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
