how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
