do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
