it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
