wrigley field is MILF paradise
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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