So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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