So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
