you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
