he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
