paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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