dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
