Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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