I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
