i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
