How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Did you just see the Batmobile???
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
