I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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