don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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