I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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