hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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