our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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