I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
