WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
