I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize