Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
