I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
