Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
