I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
