I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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