I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
