How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
