I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize