first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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