too bad you live with your parents still
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
