i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
