your parents love me but you hate me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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