you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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