she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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