Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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