I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
