you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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