Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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