I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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