i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
