It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
