She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
