Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
