So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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