So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
