So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
