i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
