I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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