Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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