watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
even my farts smell like vagina
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
