she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize