Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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