everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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