There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
