I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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