So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
