id be glad to
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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