YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
