My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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