i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
