We won't sleep together?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
