Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
birth control should be required to get into college
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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