He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
