Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
