i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
