dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Your dad touched me again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
