this beer tastes like vomit already
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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