i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
