The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
