I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
